The following is a transcript of my recent conversation with my Comcast Motorola Dual-Tuner HDTV Digital Video Recorder (or CMDTHDTVDVR for short):

Me: Hmmm, I wonder if the Simpsons is on.
CMDTHDTVDVR: [No Response]
Me: You there buddy? Hello?
CMDTHDTVDVR: [No Response]
Me: [louder] Come on, can’t you hear me? Do as I say: Play! Play! Play! Uggg, umm, Stop! Stop! Stop! Or maybe Info Button! Info Button! Gah, just Exit! Exit! Exit!
CMDTHDTVDVR: [No Response]
[10 minutes pass]
Me: Maybe if I try now…
CMDTHDTVDVR: [in rapid succession] PLAY PLAY PLAY STOP STOP STOP INFO BUTTON INFO BUTTON EXIT EXIT EXIT!
Me: What? I don’t understand, why can’t you—
CMDTHDTVDVR: WOULD YOU LIKE TO WATCH ONE MINUTE OF THIS SIMPSONS EPISODE WHICH I HAVE LABELED AS “” AND DATED “12/1/89”?
Me: Could I watch the rest of the episode?
CMDTHDTVDVR: PLAY STOP ENTER-BUTTON PAGE-UP HD-ZOOM [fifteen minutes of hissing from the speakers]