Frankly, the Daily Cal staff seems overworked. To help them out, I’ve created this handy editor’s guide. Using this impressive formula, you can create at least one Daily Cal story a week (note, I’m more making fun of the city of Berkeley than the Daily Cal in this instance, so don’t be too disappointed):

 

Critics Weigh in on UC Proposal
By [name]

A campus plan to [do anything] is drawing sharp criticism from city officials as the 60-day review period for the project’s [type of environmental report] comes to a close tomorrow.

Berkeley City Council members [attacked, condemned, or criticized] the UC Berkeley [anything] at their  meeting, saying the plan would create [traffic] and [noise problems].

"[overly dramatic and incoherently paraphrased quote about fighting this to the bitter end]," said [Mayor Tom Bates or Local Store Owner] at the council’s meeting.

The plan includes [something incredibly sensible] to [help everyone] and [improve the campus].

The plan would result in a net gain of [number] parking slots, which [Mayor Tom Bates or Local Store Owner] said would lead to [noise] and [traffic noise].

"It just seems to me to be really [unfair reduction of issue]," he said.

Several city commissions with interest in the project’s impact have offered input on the plan, and some area residents are circulating a neighborhood petition in opposition, particularly with regards to [best part of the proposal].

Campus officials, however, said [bland statement vaguely contradicting the city].

Some council members said [completely unrelated argument, perhaps about Berkeley in the 60’s].

"I want to look seriously at [unrealistic solution]," said Councilmember [insert name of Daily Cal reporter’s friend, who’ll notice?], whose constituents live in proximity to the proposed project.

The project would cost the UC system more than [meaningless number] million. [sentence saying it’s completely up to the UC System and everything we’ve just read was pointless and meant nothing].

The project’s draft environmental impact report, which considers the implications of new construction on [traffic or noise], [a rare species of fish found only in Asia] and [Cody’s Books] will be released [who cares when].

But [city official] said the city would not cooperate with university officials.

"It’s going to be difficult to negotiate with them until they come to their senses," he said.