The NBA season has started, and you know what that means … lots of blog posts about something that none of my few remaining readers care about!

The Lakers have pleased me quite a bit by winning their first two games without Kobe Bryant, which is basically the equivalent of finding a 100 dollar bill on the street two days in a row.

But let’s ignore that because it doesn’t say a lot about the rest of the season. What was much more intresting to me was watching the Golden State Warriors and their brand new Don Nelson Phoenix Sun style super-charged offense.

Simply put, the Warriors were awful. Worse than last year even. I’m not going to judge them and Nelson after one game, but the half-dozen teams out there who have all declared themselves "skill-ball clubs" this year should’ve watched this game.

The Warriors took 3-pointer after 3-pointer, again and again, clanking them off the rim, and generally spent the whole game unsure of whether they were supposed to run down the court or stand in place and play four-square. The Suns make it look really easy, but not only do they have Steve Nash, but even their mediocre role players like James Jones are better three point shooters than anyone on the Warriors lineup. It’s fun to say "We’re gonna run and gun and shoot the lights out!" but at some point, you have to actually, you know, make a fucking three pointer.

Not to mention the evening ended with Nelson calling Dunleavy a "disaster" and also tearing into Baron Davis. The fact that he picked on these two so virulently after the opening game sounds pretty damned bad to me. They’ve both presented a lot of evidence over the last few years suggesting that they’re morons and locker room schmucks. If they’re gonna piss Don Nelson off this bad after one game, I don’t know who’d be willing to deal with them. I’m not going to make the mistake of claiming I know how the rest of the season is going to turn out after one game, but I’m comfortable suggesting that this first game went as bad as humanly possible, short of half the players getting injured in the opening minutes.

My Favorite Moments

    •    Tennessee puts in their second string during the third quarter, which immediately gets several first downs and touchdowns.
    •    Cal finally scores a touchdown. Several members of the Tennessee squad pat Cal players on the back and congratulate them, perhaps even saying while clapping their hands "Oh, good work! Nice job! See, just keep practicing."
    •    I briefly cheer that Ayoob is entering the game, then realize what I just did.
    •    Tennessee replaces their third string lineup with several make-a-wish children. It still takes 7 Cal players to tackle little Timmy Weinshraub, their honorary running back.

Short Dialogues:

Time to Show All Those Doubters
Cal Fan: Sure, maybe we’re a little overrated but I’m confident that…
[No punchline necessary]

Nate Longshore
Team: "Hike! Hike! Hike!"
[Longshore stands around, confused, possibly thinking this is a practice game. When no big play opens up, he throws a 3 yard pass that would be worthless even if anyone tried to catch it]
Cal Fan: "FUCKING AYOOB!"
Ayoob: "Wait, what?"
Cal Fan: "Sorry, force of habit."

Ayoob’s Shining Moment
Ayoob: "Okay, this is perfect. I come in for the other guy, we’re down 35 to 0. I can’t possibly fuck this up … oh no, people are running at me! I better throw the ball sideways across the field 20 yards short of the closest Cal receiver and into that giant bulls-eye the Tennessee player is holding up!"
Cal Fan: "FUCKING AYOOB!"

Here’s a pretty cute bug from the European version of Madden (YouTube).

It’s not super interesting, but it is kind of funny. Imagine the Philadelphia Eagles have just taken the field. All eyes are on star quarterback Donovan McNabb. After a few failed runs and some lossed yardage, it’s time for their superstar quarterback to get them the first down they need.

He gets the ball, scans his receivers for the perfect game-changing throw, then with the quickness and versatility only Donovan McNabb possesses … he heaves the ball 70 yards in the wrong direction back into his own endzone. Apparrently this is a fairly common occurence in Madden 2007.

One of the fun things about modern sports games is that they’ve gotten so realistic in some ways, that the glaring videogame mistakes become all the funnier (and frustrating). Everything will look 90% perfect and you’ll be really into the game, then all of a sudden Kobe Bryant’s head will fly through the backboard or the hockey puck will get stuck hovering 50 feet above the ice. I think the best way to get through this is to create a believable backstory for the event.

For instance, clearly Donovan McNabb is angry about his current contract, but rather than holding out and not playing, he’s going to throw the ball in the wrong direction over and over again until he and his agent get what they want. There, isn’t that much more satisfying than having the bug fixed?

I’ve started watching Monk again. For those not in the know, Monk is one of the USA Channel’s 5 or 7 mystery series about a gifted Columbo-esque main character.

Monk has always been an inconsistent show. Like many mystery series, each episode is generally only as good as its mystery. The show started out with mediocre mysteries but a very entertaining main character, and over time, it sort of went downhill. This last year, however, has seen the show oddly rejuvenated. The key, in my mind, is that the show has become funnier. They’ve upped the ante; they now give Tony Shaloub’s character at least one big comic scene an episode, and along with a few truly goofy premises and mysteries, they’ve ensured that even if the mystery is stupid, it’s still entertaining to watch.

Anyway, back to my main topic. The character of Monk, it has many times been said, went to college at UC Berkeley. The show itself, in fact, is set in San Francisco. So when I saw that an episode was going to be completely about Monk’s college reunion and take place in Berkeley, I was quite interested.

Unfortunately, thanks to Hollywood magic, the episode takes place, umm, I have no idea where, but definitely not Berkeley. Still though, it’s worth noting that this ficticious version of Berkeley may in fact superior to the real thing.

The campus in the episode was really quite nice, with many old Ivy-esque buildings and fresh, perfect grass. Parking was clearly ample according to one scene, and the dorms were spacious and amazing. Beautiful oak wood doors with two people to a room, long spacious hallways, nothing more than one story high, and rec rooms that looked to be 50 years old. The cafeterias had lovely wood tables and extensive salad bars, not to mention nice plates and a very large staff. What’s more, the library had amazing marble floors that shone with the brilliance of diamonds. Also, despite the fact that the real Berkeley is a huge university with thousands of freshmen each year, the reunion easily fit in a small dining hall and everyone knew everyone else’s name. Every picture that appeared on the screen for the reunion slideshow was met with sounds of recognition and happiness. Also apparently no one at this fictional university has health problems because the fictional version of the Tang center had only one small window and one friendly doctor working at it.

Clearly this fictional Berkeley is a paradise and much better than the original. One odd note, apparently the Berkeley police do not exist and the school is policed by the SFPD and Berkeley is also apparently part of San Francisco, but honestly, I think that’s a small price to pay for a school this nice.

Of all the undrafted players on the Washington Wizards summer league roster, Scooter McFadgon has the two best names. I mean his nickname is already awesome because it sounds just like Shooter McGavin, the ridiculous name of the villain in Happy Gilmore. But when you factor in that his real name is Cornelius, you end up with a baller whose full name is Cornelius "Scooter" McFadgon.

That’s pretty frickin awesome right there. Just the McFadgon is cool, but then you add two more wild oddball names?

That takes some real balls. Cornelius "Scooter" McFadgon is officially on my radar. A name like this puts him in the same league as former Laker summer leaguer Koko Archibong. Unfortunately for Scooter, I think that league is called the NBDL.